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Ms. Resilient and Curious Christie love to hear from our readers!

Why did we start this column?

Ms. Resilient and 🤔Curious Christie have worked together and been friends for seven years. We have had a lot of challenges, heartbreaks, and laughter during those years! Together with our colleagues at Dovetail Learning, we created the We Are Resilient approach, a framework based on research and decades of experience that helps us bounce back.

Well, in 2024, Ms. Resilient had a difficult year. She desperately needed some advice, so she asked herself what to do. This is what she provided!

Dear Ms. Resilient:

I have had a terrible year. My mother died in February, and then my husband had a recurrence of a rare TB-like lung infection, which requires an 18-month clinical trial of treatments to try to beat. I broke my toe in July, and two weeks later, my husband broke his sternum in a car accident that totaled the car. We went on vacation and came home with COVID. Then, right before Christmas, my husband was diagnosed with a severe heart condition, which meant canceling our vacation at the last moment. I am worn out!

~Depleted by 2024

Dear Depleted:

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles! Some phases of our lives definitely feel like we are in a tunnel with no way out. First, I am glad you are acknowledging your feelings. You might need to sit with feeling sad for a while, using the Centering Skill of Noticing Myself. It sometimes seems easier to avoid our feelings, but eventually, they will catch up to us. So, make space for your feelings when you can.

Another important skill that can help in dark times is the Centering Skill of Letting Go—Letting Go of our expectations of what our life is supposed to be and what is supposed to happen. We all want our life to be filled with sunshine and roses, and sometimes, that desire can make us feel especially swamped when it is not. Letting Go of expectations and maybe even grieving what we don’t have clears the deck for us to better deal with our actual life.

Doing those two things (acknowledging our feelings and perhaps grieving what is not happening) can provide authentic emotional space for the Centering Skill of Nurturing Myself. Nurturing Myself is rooted in loving ourselves and giving ourselves the care and attention we would give a good friend. It might mean looking for “glimmers”—what small moments can provide us with light in the tunnel? For me, it means enjoying the taste of my cereal...feeling the sun through the window...hearing about a friend’s new job...or taking a walk with a friend. What might glimmers look like for you?

All these aspects of Nurturing Myself are rooted in the heart of resilience: holding life's good and difficult parts together. We call those “the storms and miracles of life " or “both/and.” While they are often not weighted equally in every moment, we strengthen our resilience by holding both the challenging and the lovely moments we discover.

Warmly,

Ms. Resilient

🤔 Curious Christie also had some advice to share with her friend.

Dear Depleted,

First of all, let me just say: wow. You’ve had a year that would knock anyone flat. Grief, illness, injuries, car accidents, and canceled plans—any one of these is exhausting, but all at once? No wonder you’re worn out. Let’s take a moment to give you the credit you deserve for surviving this whirlwind. Seriously, that takes guts.

It sounds like you’ve been stuck in survival mode (hello, exhaustion), and maybe it’s even made you snap at people a little—no shame in that. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to stay there.

This is NOT the time to be an island. Ask yourself: Who in my life makes me feel seen, even if we’re just sitting in silence together? Reach out to them. Be honest about what you’re going through—they care, and they want to help. Whether it’s venting to a friend, leaning on family for practical help, or just having someone check in on you, connection is a lifeline.

And if your circle feels a little thin right now, don’t hesitate to seek outside help. A therapist or support group can offer new perspectives—and sometimes, talking to someone who isn’t emotionally invested can be a huge relief.

Remember: it’s okay to feel completely wiped out. You’ve been through a storm, and storms are exhausting. But with small acts of centering and connection, you’ll find your way back. You’re carrying so much, but you’re not carrying it alone. You’ve got this.

With compassion,

🤔 Curious Christie

Learn More from Dovetail Learning

Centering Skills

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